Cake

Yesterday I went to town. This town being the minutely small suburbia I live next to, of course. The morning started with being getting up ten minutes before I had to leave, with an admonishment from my mother to actually set my alarm clock, and not count on her to awaken me. After I groggily agreed with everything she said, I set off to my fast paced morning routine. Ready just in time, my ride pulled into the driveway, causing my dog to go into a maddened barking frenzy. Hair raised, and snarling, he bounded off, woofing like mad. My dad, standing in the kitchen, stood watching, and cheering him on. "Go Rex, go!!! KILL KILL KILL!!" Miming holding a gun, he pointed through the window, "You! In the car! Get down on the ground! Show me your hands!" Whooping a few siren noises out, it was the general consensus of the family that Dad had watched a few too many cops episodes.
Finally out of the house, we rode to church, me too tired to say anything but a few snide comments, because those flow always in my brain, no matter how tired or sluggish I am. Church was mostly uneventful; other than the fact that we sat next to two seven foot tall men that had difficulty seeing me, when i wanted to go past, it was rather ordinary. Afterwards, we decided we wanted gum, so we went to the Cost Cutter next door to purchase some. The gum was found rapidly, but then I decided I wanted, no needed chocolate, desperately and passionately. My ever patient companion tried to talk me out of it, saying I would ruin my appetite, (which I didn't!) and tried to forcibly drag me out of the store. But my feminine pleas won him over, (I'm sure that was it,) and we walked towards the frozen foods. At first you may think, 'Why frozen food? What kind of chocolate is over there??' Well, you would be surprised. After sadly passing by several Lean Cuisines, and Hungry Man dinners that looked absolutely scrumptious (I love eating them just as they are --no cooking or thawing or anything), I stumbled across a long time favorite: Pepperidge Farms 3 layer chocolate cake. With confetti frosting!! Oooooooohh... I drooled over it for a long time. At first I attempted reasoning with my companion as to why I should buy it; trying to justify it in some way. But then I realized, there was no justifying this, it was pure greed and gluttony that drove me to want to purchase it. Quickly coming to terms with this, I grabbed it out of the fridge/freezer it was contained in, and marched to the register to buy it. John argued that we should buy it later ("Kayla, it will melt in my car!!!" "Noooo," said I, "Cakes dont melt, silly boy....") but i once more paid no heed, and bought it. In the car now, i took my new prize out of the brown paper bag it had been wrapped in, and gloated. Unboxing it, I slid it out, and was only momentarily fazed by the fact that I had no fork. Epitomizing true gluttony in every sense of the word, I buried my face in it, and was soon overcome in a chocolate ecstasy. Chewing on the outer edge of the frosting, i discovered it did need some thawing, so after gnawing off a good quarter of the cake, I put it reverently back in the box for later. Making a few brief stops, we went to WalMart for a bit, and i begged a fork or two off of the Mcdonalds that resides inside that amazing store of everything. Back in the car, I ate a bit more, this time a little more refinedly, but forced myself to stop, as we were going to lunch from WalMart.
When we had met up with our friends, and were eating, my sandwich came. A friend looked at my food, and said, "Gosh, can you really eat all that? It's as big as your head!!" Struck a mite speechless at this, I tried to figure out if he was saying I had a big head, or if he was accusing me of eating a lot. Either way, it didn't seem to be all that flattering. Apparently, my eyes displayed my disillusionment, and he rapidly tried to dig himself out of the hole that he was now only making bigger. After about five more sentences, he just stopped and buried his face in his own burger, (which wasn't that small either, just for the record).
Eventually, it was time to go home. I hadn't finished the cake, and I was wondering how I would hide it from my sibs, but it turns out, I didn't have to worry. They had seen it while I was still in the car, so I was greeted to a locked door, with muffled shouts of I'll-unlock-the-door-if-you-give-me-cake coming from the other side. I smiled broadly, and assured the several faces squashed against the glass that that could certainly be arranged, just open-the-stupid-door-already. Immediately, it was opened, and several hands stretched out for the cake, but my older sister skills have been much refined in the past years, and I darted with a feverish speed up the stairs to my room, locking my door before I had even gotten into my room with that time saving efficiency that has kept many a sibling at bay. Quietly walking to the other side of the room, I managed to stuff the cake into my other sister's underwear drawer where I knew nobody would think to look for it. Striding back across the room with the same cat-like agility, (so they wouldn't know which part of the room I hid it in) I unlocked the door. (Well, you can't keep them out forever, you know...) They all fell in at once, a few more experiencing the fun via telephone. One of my sisters has the amazing ability to thoroughly torment me and my brothers at the same time as keeping her social life intact, and her boyfriends at bay through the phone. It truly is amazing. Pawing at me for the cake, I merely held out empty hands and shrugged. Ripping the covers off my bed, they found it wasn't there, and soon gave up. But I know them. Soon they'll hunt me down, pin me to the ground and tickle me or drool in my face until i tell them where it is. So I guess to save them the trouble, i'll just have to eat it all now...