Outsmarting Lower Life Forms... Always a Challenge

ha, ok, so it's story time. funny things happened this morning, it was great. let me begin with a little background fer y'alls.
my job is feeding my neighbor's dogs whenever she happens to be out of town. this is a good, simple job, i really enjoy it, one that is easy enough for me to suitably accomplish, without too much hassle. unless, of course, she leaves 'the dog'. this is no ordinary dog, my friends, no, this is really a demon in disguise. the bane of my existence, this pitbull hates my guts with a burning passion. she's sneaky, too. in front of my neighbor, she slobbers all over me, and is all cute and cuddly, in a way only pitbulls can be. but then, once my neighbor is gone, mayhem ensues. a devilish grin plasters itself all over this dog's face, and a low growl begins to perpetually hum from the back of her throat.
but, i digress. my story, which took place early this morning, actually began sometime yesterday evening, when i was doing my best to bed the dogs down for the evening. feeding the other dogs was a cinch, they love me dearly, so i just plopped their food down in front of them, and they went to town. B.G., (as the beast is named), disgustedly watched as my bare hands touched her food, and refused to eat it. sniffing, she sashayed off, snobbily ignoring my best efforts at reconciliation. slightly hurt, i pretended not to notice, and gathered her food up before the other dogs scarfed it down.
then, it was time for bed. i was supposed to be leaving any moment, so i tried to hurry, before my ride showed up. the other dogs went inside, just as they were supposed to, acquiesing to my quiet pleas to come in. B.G., on the other hand, began a cacophonous flurry of throaty barks. startled, i stepped back, more annoyed at being disobeyed than frightened, though i'll admit, fear did play a small factor in my slight retreat. after pleading, shouting, threatening and sobbing gently for a good fifteen minutes, i gave up, and instead went to a party.
arriving back home around midnight, i tried once more to get this dog inside. not for her own comfort, but because i knew there would be problems if she got herself lost, i headed over. nearing the end of my driveway, the dog heard me. she freaked out. barking her silly head off, she avoided my grasping hands using wide circle tactics, clearly enjoying every second of my life i wasted trying to get her to go inside. cringing, i finally gave up, and with an angry whispered threat that promised ultimate doom and imminent death, i went to bed.
sadly, i still had the morning to reckon with. awakening, i realized i still had to figure out how to get her inside. heart heavy, i dragged my unwilling feet over to my neighbor's, trying like mad to think up a way to outsmart this dog.
heavily, i dropped the other dogs' food bowls onto the porch. i turned my back for a second as i re-entered the house, but when i looked back, i noticed B.G. trying to sneakily eat a few mouthfuls of the food. eyebrow cocked, i tapped on the window to get her attention. guiltily, she looked up at me, and then darted off, pretending innocence. but it was too late. she was hungry, and i knew it. this was it, my big break.
being the amazingly brilliant, tactical genius that i am, i devised myself a plan, that could be the envy of most any man. flinging the back door wide open, i placed a food dish, heaped with dog food, in the middle of the floor, a straight shot from the open door. quite visible to B.G., she began drooling: slow long strands of saliva falling pitifully to the ground. noticing my triumphant smirk, she shot off, feigning indifference. knowing that she wanted food, however, i walked out the front door, and then ambled around back, planning on slamming the door shut behind her, trapping her within the confines of the house. after i decided i had given her plenty of time, i quickened my pace, and leaped onto the porch, ready to slam the door, but just as i reached for the handle, she slipped out. words that are not appropriate for this post almost left my mouth, but i bit my tongue, and instead yelled "crud, crud, crud, crud, crud!!" over and over, until i felt better. thus alleviated, i tried again. i knew she was still hungry, so i left the door open, but this time, using my cutting edge brilliance, i removed my shoes, and sprinted around back. giving her no time to respond, i slammed the door shut with a triumphant "HA!" and then began a victory dance. if any other people saw me, they must've thought i was crazy, a girl dancing around in her pajamas laughing at the dog inside. thankfully, i don't think anyone saw me, but i was too pleased with myself to care anyways. entering the house, which now thankfully contained the dog, i began to chuckle. the chuckle died though, as i realized B.G. was nowhere in sight. now, i wouldn't put an ambush past that dog. she's clever enough to plan a full scale battle, so i carefully peeked around every corner, until i found her, her loss written all over her face. sad eyes peered resentfully up at me, as she nursed her wounded pride in the overstuffed armchair that she wasn't supposed to be in. victorious, i swept out of the room, and across the street, to my own home, where i recounted my triumph to any and all who would listen.

Heehee

ok, just cause now i know how to embed videos, and i want to exercise that power to the fullest, i stuck this in here. it's pretty much an awesome song. and that's pretty much an awesome show. my favorite cartoon of all times. enjoy!

Bucket o' Health

that's what my uncle would call me, if he knew what all i had eaten today... cake, ice cream, more cake, a little more ice cream, a snickers bar, and a take five bar... but, wait! i had a banana. gotta give me some credit.
right at this moment, i'm contemplating how much homework i can save for the morning (oh, but wait, darn, it is the morning!) and if maybe my teacher will want to give me some of that grace i was talking about earlier. i kind of doubt it. in class last week, she cast a glare over the room and said, "Remember!! i have been lenient thus far with your due dates, but next tuesday is a DUE DATE!!!!" (caps added for effect) with that last comment directed with a hearty look towards me, i think it's safe to assume grace won't be doled out in large quantities tomorrow. sooooo, back to my homework.
don't procrastinate.

~m.r.p.

Revelations

well, as a couple of you know, i discovered a line in a relient k song, incidentally enough, a song i don't really care for too much, but this line really struck a chord in my own personal life. the line runs as thus: "but the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair".

it just so reminds me of our Heavenly Father. God completely does not have to forgive us anything, but instead, He sent His only son to die for each and every one of us, to pay the price of our sin. we messed our own lives up so badly, that we could never ever possibly save ourselves, as i'm sure each and every one of can attest, i know i sure have. but, by sending Jesus to die for our sins, the schism we created with sin was bridged by Jesus' death and resurrection.
now, God could fully show us His awesome grace. able to reach each and every one of us now, He stretches out His hand to me, and patiently guides me along, even as i trip and stumble. with all the stupid decisions i make, He's there to help me right back up again, and the only reason i'm ever down for so long, is because i'm stupid and don't feel like accepting His help, cause it may be uncomfortable for a brief period of time. and something i always forget is this: God does not owe me a single thing. not one thing. He is sovereign, He created me! He is perfectly permitted to just make me, see that i'm a sinful ungrateful little thing, and drop me there on the ground and walk away. "better luck next time," could be the words leaving His lips as he disappointedly turns to His next project. but no! instead, He pieces everything together, so that anything in my life can completely transform it, so i will turn back to Him and His amazing love. "my precious child, i love you so much!" is more like what He tells me as He brushes the dirt off my knees, and wipes the tears from my face. He invests so much thought and planning into me, and completely loves me unconditionally. when i stop and think about it, it's absolutely astonishing. the God who created the whole universe loves me! smart-mouthed, selfish little me! and He doesn't do it because He has to, but because He wants to.
which brings me back to the song. grace does make life not fair. so often, i whine to God, "but this is not fair! life is so hard right now, why can everyone else do this, but i have the only parents who don't let me do [insert activity of choice]" but God is gracious. He gives me what i don't deserve. He gives me what i need, even if i don't realize that i need it. if i wanted life to be 'fair', i would be stuck in the meaningless and pointless rut of everyday life, with no hope of ever getting out.
when i think of my troubles in this perspective, it's amazing how quickly i realize how self-centered i've become. it is so easy to slip into the mindset that God owes me something, that since i've 'accepted Christ into my heart' (like i did Him a favor or something?) and since i'm a Christian, He needs to give me an easy life. God is so awesome! i should be falling on my face in worship, not questioning why He isn't making my life easier! but gently, He shows me in subtle, (and sometimes not so subtle,) ways, that all i need to do is follow Him. His way really is the best way, and as much as i try, my feeble attempts at guiding my own life always end up in a crash and burn situation.
God is so good. i am so amazed at His greatness, His love for me, and His love for every single person.
i wholeheartedly thank God that grace really does make life not fair.

~m.r.p.

Muaha

check it out...

Focus

an amazing song. i love it lots, it's got this little chorus in the background going, "la la la la lalalalala!!" so chipper. i guess you'd hafta listen to it to understand. it's by john reuben, btw.

anyways, that's entirely beside the point. of course, what the point is, i'm not entirely sure either. i'll make up a point. today is now mother's day. i have yet to make a card. however, i did make a cake. it is quite the creation. three layers of chocolate, filled with whipped cream, and topped with more chocolate, it is a full twelve inches of glory. sadly, i turned my back on it for a minute, and the middle layer crumbled into a soggy heap, creating a deep schism in the previous uniformity of my cake. moving quickly in my panic, i managed to piece most of it back together again, hopefully my mother does not mind the slightly disheveled state it is in..

i had my very last piano recital thing today. twas very exciting. i nervously entered the large church where thirty people sat. i wished i had succeeded in my earlier attempts to make myself sick, in hopes that i could skip out on the recital if i threw up. but, having failed, here i stood, wringing my hands, face red, longing for some air circulation. i looked in the program, and i was about halfway into the evening. saddened, i slumped unto my seat, awaiting my doom. as i listened to the amazingly good pianists (i'm completely not kidding, these kids were like borderline genius crazy good pianists), i watched sympathetically as a father firmly grasped a small writhing child by the hand, and led him outside. i have to say, i didn't envy that little boy.
then. there it was. my name. and oh horrors! my turn. blushing, i attempted to walk up to the front of the church as gracefully as possible. the aisle seemed awfully long, and a million thoughts went racing through my head as i walked up, such as, "wait, what songs am i playing, again?" and "wow, i'm SO hungry!" (i had failed to eat any substantial food during the course of the day as i was too nervous to eat). i seated myself at the piano, and began as loud as i could. i think i startled some of the older grandparents, who had just been lulled to sleep by being serenaded with some beautiful melodies. but, my discordant clash of chords woke everybody in the house up. i figured that if it was loud enough, they wouldn't hear the notes too well, and wouldn't notice if i messed up. i still don't know if my plan worked, but at the effect was dramatic. sadly, on my second piece, i completely blanked out, and began improvising. tragically, this is the girl that can't improvise to save her life. soooo, i just skipped that section of the song and went down to a different part. it was pretty much thrilling. but, i am now finished!! and i got ice cream afterwards, so that was fun :) rhubarb ice cream is pretty much the best. i recommend it highly.
earlier, i got to see spiderman 3. that was much fun. i had a seat-mate (YNH for those of you who knows what that means) muttering along with the movie. comments such as "finish the omelette!" "how's my driving?" and "what?! he's crying again?!" were frequent throughout the dramatic scenes. of course, there was always the little kid behind us who shrieked, "spiderman won!" after the battle scenes... much hilarity ensued, and i was having a hard time not laughing too loudly. after all, people think you're odd when you're cracking up during the funeral. thankfully, i think i did a good job containing myself.
i discovered why one should never wear flip-flops to the movie theater, though, however. i placed my half-bare foot squarely into a large puddle of some unknown spilled beverage, so i was treated to sticky feet/shoes. and my brother kept spilling the candy in it, so he would pick it off the floor, and hand it to me, soaking wet, sticky, and germy. but i still ate it. :)
i liked that movie. i recommend it.
k, my brain is dead now.
farewell

adieu



auf wiedersehen




goodbye :)

~m.r.p.

Ideas

arg. i just had something i was going to blog about. and now i can't remember. i suppose i could just delete this screen, and not publish this, but where's the fun in that? ok, my arm hurts from typing, i just finished a grueling two hours session of copying word documents. i'm all done now. tata fer now


~m.r.p.

"Dang I'm Hot!: The Working Title of My Autobiography"

ah, car trips and inside jokes... nothing like 'em. i can't quite imagine how the person that thought up my post title so perfectly nailed the essence of me, but somehow, they did. they ought to be commended.
so, i just got back from a long weekend of concerts, talks, and worship and it was pretty much awesome. i thoroughly enjoyed myself. however, i have to say, that some of the most fun i had was on the car trips, down and back. back was a slight bit more entertaining, because me and my seat-mate were both completely sugar high, and were riding on little to no sleep. needless to say, we cracked ourselves up, and performed our best renditions of the artists we had just seen. twas much fun. however, i am now incredibly sick of the phrase, "whoop whoop!" as we uttered that several hundred times.

now for the inside jokes. i think i shall use some of these as conversations starters when the talking has suddenly ceased, in some high-class business type enviroment. here goes the random lines of inside jokes with absolutely no context or explanation. enjoy.

"My wife's name is Eloise!"

"That wall reminds me of life."

"Whoop whoop!!"

"Summon the Kraken!!"

"Seacoast out!"

"To the left, to the right, to the leftrightleftrightleftrightleft!"

"Well, basically, it's a blimp."

"How do you like me now!!"

"Partay!! Pizza *strange pause* Partaaay!!"

k, i can't remember any more right now. if i think up any, i'll add them in later. forgive me, my faithful readers, at 2 a.m., i can't think under normal circumstances... (i know, i know, excuses excuses..) ;)

i managed to get a hold of one and a half Krispy Kreme donuts today, that was happy. i love them things. whoever invented them should get a prize. on second thought, they probably already have gotten one. i suppose owning a nation-wide donut chain is a prize. perhaps.
arg, my brain just died. i shall come back later and tell you more of my fabulous weekend, but not now. later...

~m.r.p.

French Knots

thought that had a nice ring to it. "French Knots!"...

incidentally, i just mastered them. after eight long and grueling years of cross-stitching, i finally figured them out. for the first time, i read the directions, and incidentally, (i just used that word, darn, oh well, deal with it :)) they worked, and led me to create a perfect french knot. muahaha. i feel very powerful, or enlightened, or something... anyways, the moral of the story is, i created a french knot, and not only one, and not even two, but i created a whole myriad of them, probably a whole score!! i know, that's amazing isn't it?!

anyways, to abruptly change the topic, i have sadly come to realize that relient k is no longer the number one band in my life. hawk nelson has slowly but surely crept into the number one spot on my list. i don't know how, jason dunn isn't even very cute, but they did!! i love them!! and the only thing keeping relient k up there is the fact that matt t. is incredibly cute, and i know more of their songs. *sigh* i realized that the song "something on my mind" and "hello" have the exact same chord progression. so, in all actuality, it's the same song, just different words. weird, huh? they musta liked the tune so much, they just wrote another set of lyrics fer it. tis amazing, i tell ya, amazing.


~m.r.p.